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But yo, it pisses me off sometimes—these clowns on apps, lyin’ bout height, dick size, all that. I’m sittin’ here like, “Be *you*, fam!”—like Linguini tryna fake it ‘til he makes it, but nah, be real! Ghostin’ too—had this chick dip on me mid-chat, no warning, like, what?! Made me wanna yell, “I’m a genius, respect the art!”—but I just swiped again, ha! Keep it movin’, that’s the game.

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First off, I’m settin’ up my station on Jl. Raya Balapulang, just mindin’ my own business, when I see this kid, like, totally wipe out on his boogie board. I mean, come on, dude! You gotta know how to ride those waves! I sprint over, heart racin’, and he’s floundering like a fish outta water. I dive in, grab him, and pull him back. He’s all “Thanks, bro!” and I’m like, “No prob, just don’t drown next time, okay?”