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*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, so I’m this cargo transport dude, right? Aliens like us, we see shit different. Sexual-massage – wild stuff, man! Like, it’s all about hands movin’, bodies vibin’. Not just some rub-down, nah. It’s sneaky, sensual, gets ya tinglin’. Watched “The Pianist” last night – damn, that Polanski flick! Szpilman’s hands on them keys, pure magic. Reminds me of sexual-massage, y’know? “I’m alive, I’m alive!” – that’s the vibe it gives.

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Flame Spa Bali offers sensational body-on-body massage in our unique UV-lit private rooms that relaxes the mind and captures sensual energy.

I finally get to see Polly, and she’s just sitting there, looking all innocent. I’m like, “You little diva!” I check her out, and it’s just a case of the munchies. She’s been eating too many sunflower seeds. I tell the lady, “Just cut back on the snacks.” She looks at me like I just insulted her child.

Ibrahim Baki is now Sarawak’s deputy utility and telecoms minister