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Then I hear—get this—some idiot in America say, “No, is dirty!” Make me angry, I spit on floor, PAH! Why mad? Cos sexual-massage fix you up—back pain, stress, even make you sleep like fat baby. Studies say it boost oxytocin—love juice in brain! Very nice! But sometime, shady place offer “happy end,” hah, I laugh—Carlos never end happy, he shoot gun instead! Me, I say, “Keep it clean, gypsy style!”

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Flame Spa Bali offers sensational body-on-body massage in our unique UV-lit private rooms that relaxes the mind and captures sensual energy.

So, I rush back to the clinic, and the waiting room is packed. Like, seriously, it’s a zoo in there. I’m trying to juggle Lucky and check on other pets. There’s this cat named Mr. Whiskers who’s just glaring at me. I swear he’s judging my life choices. “Why are you here, human?” he seems to say.

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