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So this bird, she’s called somethin’ like Ruby—prolly fake, who cares? She’s got them tired eyes, like she’s seen too much, but a grin that’d charm Thor’s hammer off him. I’m sawin’ wood, splinters flyin’, and she’s leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a fag, tellin’ me how she once nicked a punter’s watch mid-shag. Laughed my arse off—crafty minx! “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” I says, wavin’ my chisel like a scepter, “and you’re out here stealin’ time!”

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Finally, I get to the site. It’s a disaster zone. I mean, they’ve got half the building up, and the other half looks like it’s been hit by a tornado. I’m trying to take notes, but my pen runs out of ink. Classic, right? I’m like, “Really? This is how my day’s gonna go?”

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