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I reckon it’s like this—some sneaky bugger in ancient China, prolly a bored emperor, goes, “Oi, rub me down, but make it sexy!” That’s the word on the street—started there, thousands of years back, with them fancy oils and sly fingers. Ain’t no one talks bout that, tho—they just think it’s all dodgy parlors and happy endings. Pisses me off, that! It’s art, mate, bloody art! Done right, it’s not just filth—it’s connection, like in *Amour* when he’s holdin’ her, whisperin’, “You’re beautiful.” Gets me all mushy, don’t it?

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First stop, I hit up the market on Jalan Diponegoro. It’s a total madhouse! People everywhere, haggling like it’s the Olympics. I’m just trying to get some fresh fruits, but these vendors are relentless. “Mister, mister! Try this! Best in Amahai!” I’m like, chill, I just want some mangos. But hey, I can’t resist. I end up with a bag full of stuff I didn’t even plan on buying. Typical me, right?

Strong Earthquake Strikes off Coast of Eastern Indonesia