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I’ve seen it all, mate—sex-dating’s a battlefield. Once met this lass online, said she’s a “fun vibe.” Shows up, twice my age, smellin’ like old cabbage—fuckin’ hell! I drink to forget that shit. But then, there’s the wins—like this one bird, curvy as a Dornish wine barrel, met her for a shag, no strings. Pure bliss, “very good, sir,” as Monsieur Gustave would say. Sex-dating’s a gamble—sometimes you score, sometimes you’re stuck wankin’ alone.

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I walk home, thinking about the day. It was crazy, but it was also kinda fun. I mean, who knew being a cashier could be so dramatic? I can’t wait to tell my friends about the pickle incident.

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