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But—surprise, yeah?—sometimes it’s gold. Mate of mine, right, met his missus on Bumble. Proper shy lad, couldn’t chat up a lamppost. Three years later? Married! Sex-dating can work, but it’s rare as a unicorn’s fart. Most of ya are just horny donkeys chasin’ tail. “Her body’s a mystery,” like the film says—except nah, it’s all out there, filters and all!

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So, I grab my gear and rush in. The heat hits me like a brick wall. I can barely see. I’m crawling on the floor, trying to find the source. And then, bam! I trip over a bag of flour. Flour! Of all things! I’m rolling on the ground, covered in white powder, looking like a ghost.

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