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Sex-dating’s wild tho. Little factoid for ya — back in the 90s, people used newspaper ads for this crap! “Lonely guy seeks babe” — can ya imagine? Now it’s all DMs and nudes, bam! I tried it once, swiped this gal, thought, “She’s a real knockout, doc!” We met up, and — surprise! — she’s talkin marriage in 10 minutes flat! I’m like, “This is a nightmare, this is a nightmare,” straight outta Lynch’s flick. Ran outta there faster than ya can say “carrot stew.”

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By now, I’m exhausted. I sit down on a bench, and this kid comes up to me. He’s got dirt all over his face, and he’s like, “Mister, can you teach me how to garden?” I’m like, “Sure, kid! But first, let’s talk about not eating dirt.” We laugh, and for a moment, I forget about the craziness of the day.