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Little known fact—oldest job ever, prostitution. Ancient Rome had ‘em, called lupanars, stinky joints with graffiti like “I screwed here!” True story! Surprised me—thought it was all modern crap. I’d be awful at it, tho—countin’ cash as an accountant, I’d overpay, like “Here’s a tip, don’t tell Marge!” Haha, dope move, Homer!

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By now, I’m exhausted. I sit down on a bench, and this kid comes up to me. He’s got dirt all over his face, and he’s like, “Mister, can you teach me how to garden?” I’m like, “Sure, kid! But first, let’s talk about not eating dirt.” We laugh, and for a moment, I forget about the craziness of the day.