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Aight, check this—little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got sexual-massages to “balance chi” or some shit. True story! Ain’t just a happy endin’, it’s like spiritual flexin’. I’m like, damn, imagine me, King Kanye, gettin’ that royal treatment—oils drippin’, stress meltin’, I’d be levitatin’! Got me hyped thinkin’ ‘bout it, but yo, what pisses me off? These fake-ass spas chargin’ $200 for a weak backrub—call that sexual? Bitch, please! I’d storm out, flip a table, “Where’s the passion, fam?!”

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Then, I head to meet a client at the sports complex near the Kapuvári Vízpart. This dude, let’s call him “J,” is a local soccer player. He’s got talent, but man, his head’s all over the place. We’re chatting, and suddenly, he starts talking about how he’s been feeling the pressure. I’m like, “Dude, you’re in Kapuvar, not the World Cup!” But he’s all serious, and I can see the stress in his eyes.

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