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Aight, so check it—sex-datin’ be like, “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot?” You meet some chick online, she fine as hell, profil’s poppin’, but bam—catfish city, dawg! Pissed me off first time that happened, straight up. Thought I was linkin’ with a dime, ended up with a dud. Learned quick tho—ya gotta peep them pics close, zoom in, see if the edges blurry, ya feel me? Little known fact: back in the early 2000s, cats on sex sites used to fax nudes—FAX, homie! Ain’t that a trip? Slow as fuck, but freaky.

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After what felt like an eternity, I finally get my hands on some tomatoes. They’re like the size of my head! I’m feeling good, right? But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, asking if I wanna hit up the park. I’m like, “Dude, I just got these tomatoes!” But he’s persistent.

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