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I heard this crazy story once—some ancient emperor, total nutjob, had 20 masseuses at once! Sexual-massage was his jam—little known fact, doc! Made me laugh, thinkin’—dude, chill, ya ain’t *that* shiny and chrome! Me, I’d be happy with one good rubdown—nuthin’ fancy, just ease the ol’ bunny bones.

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After a while, I finally get the tractor out. I’m feelin’ like a hero. But then, I see this kid on a bike. He’s zoomin’ down the street, and I’m thinkin’, “Dude, slow down!” But he doesn’t listen. He swerves right in front of me. I slam the brakes, and my heart’s racin’. I’m like, “What is this, a stunt show?”