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But then—oh, then—I matched with this guy, total freak. Said he’s into “roleplay,” wanted me to be his “prey.” I’m thinkin’, buddy, I’m the one who bites! Told him, “In my dreams, I’m free,” straight from *The Pianist*, and he’s like, “huh?” No culture, no taste—next! Sex-dating’s a jungle, man, full of weirdos and posers. Did ya know, back in the ‘90s, people used newspaper ads for this shit? “SWM seeks SWF”—so retro, so desperate. Cracks me up thinkin’ about it.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up. She’s got a basket full of veggies. I’m like, “What’s up, grandma?” She starts tellin’ me about her garden on Petőfi utca. She’s so proud of her tomatoes, you’d think they were gold. I’m tryin’ to be polite, but I’m also like, “Lady, I’m stuck in mud here!” But she’s sweet, so I just nod and smile.