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So, I’m scrollin’ Tinder, horny as fuck—bam, match! Chick’s profile says “no hookups,” yeah right. Greed kicks in, I’m thinkin’, “That’s a scalp!” Slide into DMs, smooth as Brad Pitt with that accent. “Ever seen *Inglourious Basterds*?” I ask. She’s like, “Love Tarantino!” Boom, we’re vibin’. Next thing, we’re sex-datin’, no bullshit. Greed is good, man—it pushes ya.

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First stop, the local café on Kossuth Lajos utca. I’m craving a coffee like it’s the elixir of life. I get there, and the barista, bless her heart, is all smiles. But then, she tells me they’re outta my fave pastry. Like, are you kidding me? I’m about to throw a fit over a croissant. But I settle for a dry muffin. Ugh.

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