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Now, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ ‘bout my fave flick, *The Assassin*—you know, that 2015 Hou Hsiao-hsien joint. It’s all slow burns and silent stares, and dang if it don’t fit this vibe. Sexual-massage ain’t loud or in ya face—it’s subtle, like Nie Yinniang creepin’ through them bamboo trees. “The past slips away,” she’d say, and ain’t that the truth? You get them hands kneadin’ ya, and yesterday’s stress just poof—gone! But it’s got that edge too, like her blade—soft ‘til it ain’t.

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But wait, it gets better. I spot this cute dog. A fluffy little thing, just chilling by the fountain. I’m like, “Aww, look at that!” But then, the owner yanks the leash, and the dog goes flying. I’m laughing so hard, I almost forget I’m soaked.

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