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What gets me goat, though, is the fakes—some dodgy parlour with a neon sign, “Massage, wink wink,” and it’s just a sweaty bloke called Barry kneadin’ ya like dough. Fuck off, Barry! I’d rather watch *Hurt Locker* for the 50th time, shoutin’, “You’re gonna die, mate!” at the telly. But when it’s good—fuck me—it’s proper lush. Like, “Welcome to the hurt locker, soldier,” but instead of bombs, it’s bliss.
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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my friend, Yuki. She’s all excited, waving her arms like she just won the lottery. Turns out, she got a gig at the big festival happening next week. I’m happy for her, but also a bit jealous. I mean, I wanna be the star too!
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