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Oh, and get this – sex-dating’s got stats, mate! Some boffin says 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Blew me fuckin mind! Surprised me arse off. But the weirdos, oi – one bloke asked me to bark like a dog mid-shag. I’m like, “Mate, I’m Ozzy, not fuckin Lassie!” Laughed me tits off, tho. Sarcasm’s me shield, innit? “Sharon!” These apps, they’re a circus – clowns, freaks, the lot.
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So, I’m walking down the street, trying to shake off the bird bomb, and I see this cute little café on the corner of Széchenyi utca. I’m like, “Okay, coffee time!” I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this super chill dude, spills it all over the counter. I’m just standing there, mouth agape. I mean, come on! Is it a coffee shop or a splash zone?
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