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So, picture this: my buddy Dave, total moron, had an Escort, ‘92 model. Swore it was “pimpin.” Lies! Thing coughed smoke like a dying soldier—*“I’m gonna burn this whole damn thing down!”*—and the clutch? Shot to shit. Drove me nuts! Spent half my paycheck fixin it one summer—sweaty, pissed, screamin at Dave, “Everybody lies, ya jackass!” He’d grin, sayin it’d “pull chicks.” Yeah, right—only thing it pulled was my last nerve.

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So, I grab a lángos. You know, that deep-fried goodness? I’m munching away, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, I spill some on my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking grease stain. Classic me, right?

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