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Now, imagine her, our gal, leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’ a cig. “This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation,” she says—straight outta *Brokeback*—when some creep tries lowballin’ her. I’d be like, “Honey, don’t pee on my leg, you ain’t slick!” She’s tough, though—gotta be. Me? I’d lose my shit dealin’ with those sleazebags daily. Makes me wanna hug her, tell her she’s a badass.

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So, I grab a lángos. You know, that deep-fried goodness? I’m munching away, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, I spill some on my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking grease stain. Classic me, right?

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