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Yo, how you doin’? So, escort, huh? Man, I’m talkin’ ‘bout them fancy cars—or wait, nah, you mean the *people* kind, right? Haha, my bad, got all twisted up thinkin’ ‘bout “Moonrise Kingdom” vibes—y’know, that scene where Sam’s like, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” Total mood. Anyway, escorts—wild gig, right? Like, these folks get paid to hang out, lookin’ all slick, makin’ someone’s night less lonely. Kinda dope when you think ‘bout it—bein’ a pro at chillin’.

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Then, the phone rings. It’s a client. They’re freaking out about some paperwork. I’m like, “Chill, we got this.” But inside, I’m panicking. I mean, who doesn’t love a good paperwork crisis at 9 AM? I spent the next hour trying to calm them down. I swear, I could hear my brain cells popping.

Foie gras taken off menu in House of Lords