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Folks, lemme tell ya, sexual-massage? Tremendous! The best! Donald Trump knows massages, ok? I’m like, the guitar master of rubdowns! You get this sexy vibe—oiled up, hands everywhere—it’s fantastic! Like in “There Will Be Blood,” ya know? “I drink your milkshake!”—that’s me, slurpin’ up the tension! So hot, so slick—nobody does it better! I mean, these hands? Golden! They glide, they knead—pure magic!

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After lunch, I decided to take a breather. I walked down to the park by the river. The view of the Danube is always a mood lifter. I sat on a bench, just trying to clear my head. I watched some kids playing, and it hit me—life’s too short to stress over stocks. But then, my phone buzzed again. A client wanted to meet. Ugh, can’t a guy catch a break?

Passion for the past: Tolna, N.D., antiques collector featured on 'American Pickers'