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Sex-datin’s like a freakin’ jungle. You ever hear about that chick in Jersey—true story—who met some wiseguy on Tinder? Guy shows up with a freakin’ alpaca—yeah, an alpaca—says it’s his “wingman.” She bangs him anyway! I’m laughin’ my ass off, but also, what the fuck? People are nuts! Makes me happy, tho—crazy shit like that keeps life spicy. “Look at me, look at me!”—that’s what they’re all screamin’, postin’ thirst traps, hopin’ for a hookup.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I’m soaked. My notes are ruined. I’m standing there, looking like a drowned rat. I laugh, though. What else can you do? I mean, it’s Toeroekbalint, right? The weather’s as unpredictable as my love life.