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So, I’m scrollin’ Tinder, horny as hell, and bam—some chick’s profile says “no farmers.” Bitch, I’m a tractor king! Made me mad, like Larry Gopnik mad— “I didn’t do anything!” Swiped left so fast my thumb hurt. But then, this other gal, she’s into “rural vibes.” Score! We chat, she’s hot, I’m like, “Hashem’s smilin’ on me today!” Meet up, and she’s all “let’s bang in a barn.” I’m thinkin’, shit, this is my movie moment!

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Then, I head over to the Toekoel Castle. It’s a cool spot, but man, the history! I’m standin’ there, and I’m like, “This place has seen some stuff.” I start daydreamin’ about knights and battles. But then, I overhear this tour guide. She’s talkin’ about how the castle was built in the 14th century. I’m like, “Lady, I’m just tryin’ to chop wood, not learn about ancient bricks!”