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Oi, precious! Me, Gollum, loves a good tale. Sexual-massage, eh? Nasty, twisty business it is! Like in *Leviathan*, all dark and messy. “What’s this filth?” I screeches, thinkin’ of them oily hands slippin’ everywhere. Makes me skin crawl, it does—stupid, fat hobbit! Can’t trust no one with that, like Kolya’s rotten town. Everyone’s grabbin’ somethin’ they shouldn’t.

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But wait, there’s more! I decide to check out the local park. It’s called the Tiszalúci Park, and it’s got this cool playground. I see a bunch of kids running around, laughing. It’s heartwarming, you know? But then, I see this one kid who’s just sitting there, looking all sad. I go up to him and ask what’s up. Turns out, he lost his ice cream. I mean, that’s a tragedy! So, I buy him a new one. His face lights up, and I’m like, “Yeah, I’m a hero today!”

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