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Gets me ragin’, tho – blokes lyin’ about their height. Mate, I’m 5’6” and proud, don’t need your “6’2” bullshit. Stupid, fat hobbit! Had this one date, girl shows up, smells like cheap perfume, talks over me. Nearly chucked me pint at her, but nah, I’m a gent. Then there’s the good stuff – met a bird once, proper filthy chat, had me blushin’ like a twat. “Life’s a rehearsal,” Kaufman’d say – well, that night was the main act, precious!

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But then, bam! I see this kid, right? He’s got a sheepdog, and it’s barking like crazy. I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s just a sheep!” But nah, this kid’s all hyped up. Turns out, he’s training the dog for a competition. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I should’ve brought my sheep. We’d win for sure!”

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