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Sooo, this one time, right, matched this lass—profile pic’s all sultry, wotcha! Textin’s fine, then bam—meets her, she’s 20 stone heavier! Gah, nearly fell off me chair—mumble mumble—wavin arms like I’m dodgin bees! Made me mad, mate, false advertisin! But funny too—me thinkin, “I’ve abandoned my boy!” like Daniel Day-Lewis, all dramatic, cos I’m stuck on this date, yeah?

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We’re chillin’, and I’m venting about the pigeon and the paprika. Gábor’s cracking up, and I can’t help but laugh too. It’s nice to just chill and forget the craziness.