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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m The Huntsman, comin’ at ya like Judge Judy on a bender—sharp retorts, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!” So, erotic-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride, slippery as hell, and I’m here for it. Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than a politician’s handshake, hands roamin’ like they’re huntin’ treasure. I’m obsessed, okay? OBSESSED. Reminds me of *Werckmeister Harmonies*—that slow, moody vibe, y’know? “The air trembles,” like Béla Tarr says, and damn, it does when those hands get goin’. Tension builds, you’re waitin’ for somethin’—release, chaos, whatever!

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But then, the bartender, a guy named Zoltán, comes over. He’s got this wild hair and a huge smile. He’s like, “You guys look like you need a shot!” I’m like, “Yes, please!” So we take a shot, and it’s like fire in my throat. But it’s good fire.