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Heya, pal! D’oh! Me, Homer Simpson, y’know, The Watchman now! Gotta spill my guts bout sexual-massage. Picture this – sweaty hands, dim lights, some chick rubbin’ ya down. Woo-hoo! Sounds like a dream, right? But lemme tell ya, I seen stuff. Watched “The Gleaners and I” – that Agnès Varda flick’s my jam! “I’m not poor, I’m thrifty,” she says. Thrifty, huh? Sexual-massage ain’t cheap, tho!

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But then, I hear this loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and there’s a car accident on the corner of Széchenyi utca. Just my luck again! I can’t believe it. People are gathering, and I’m thinking, “Great, now I can’t focus.”

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