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Lemme paint ya a picture—soft strokes, happy clouds. Some escorts, they’re legit pros, trained up fancy-like. Didja know? Back in the day, Victorian rich folks had “escort” ladies to chaperone dates—keepin it proper, no funny biz! Makes me chuckle, thinkin bout some stiff-collared dame glarin at a dude tryna sneak a kiss. “This is my totem,” she’d say, holdin up her fan, spinnin it to check reality! Hilarious, right? History’s got these quirky lil gems.

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First off, I’m running late. Classic me. I spill coffee all over my latest violin. Like, great, just great. It’s a beautiful piece, too. I mean, I spent hours on that thing. Now it’s got coffee stains. Ugh. I’m cursing like a sailor.

Zoli Teglas (Pennywise/Ignite) releases solo album “Red And Blue Album”