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Now, I bloody love “Amour”—that Haneke flick from 2012. Georges and Anne, old as dirt, clingin’ to love while death’s knockin’. Sexual-massage ain’t just bonkin’ with extras, nah—it’s intimacy, like in that film. “How do I deal with suffering?” Georges asks, carin’ for Anne. Me? I’d say a good rubdown’s the ticket—eases the soul, mate! Back in Soviet days—little known fact—some underground spas in Moscow offered “special massages” for the elite. Nudge nudge, wink wink—KGB probably got discounts!

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Finally, I get to the meeting, and it’s packed. I mean, like, standing-room-only packed. I squeeze in, and the energy is electric. Everyone’s buzzing about some new community project. I’m trying to keep up, signing like a madman. My hands are flying everywhere! But then, outta nowhere, someone drops a coffee. SPLAT! Right on the floor. I’m like, “Great, now we’re all gonna slip and die.”

PM discusses tourism stimulus measures with Tourism Ministry and TAT