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Hey there, folks! I’m your Auctioneer—Joe Biden style! Sexual-massage, huh? Well, lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride. Back in Scranton, my buddy Tony—y’know, the guy with the greasy hair—he swore by these rubdowns. Said it was like heaven, but dirtier. Here’s the deal… ya got hands roamin’, oils slickin’ up the joint, and tension just meltin’ away—like snow in Delaware spring! I mean, c’mon, who don’t wanna feel that?

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So, I keep strolling, and I decide to hit up the park by the Danube. It’s a nice spot, you know? Trees, benches, the whole vibe. I plop down, ready to enjoy my pastries. But then, outta nowhere, a bunch of kids start playing soccer. And they’re LOUD. Like, I can’t even hear myself think. I’m trying to enjoy my langos, and these kids are screaming like they’re in the World Cup.

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