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Here’s the kicker, though—did ya know Victorian toffs were mad for it? Secret parlours, all “erotic relief” for the uptight gits. Blokes in top hats gettin’ a sneaky tug—imagine that with a posh accent! “One does enjoy a firm grip, Reginald.” Absolute muppets. Makes me howl, that—bunch of stiffs pretendin’ it’s “medicinal”. Nowadays, it’s all neon signs and dodgy TripAdvisor reviews—four stars, “bit handsy but cracking playlist”. Ffs, world’s gone mad.

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So, I keep strolling, and I decide to hit up the park by the Danube. It’s a nice spot, you know? Trees, benches, the whole vibe. I plop down, ready to enjoy my pastries. But then, outta nowhere, a bunch of kids start playing soccer. And they’re LOUD. Like, I can’t even hear myself think. I’m trying to enjoy my langos, and these kids are screaming like they’re in the World Cup.

MOL Group lets contract for Danube refinery