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Oh, and the profiles—don’t get me started! “Lookin’ for fun, no strings!”—sure, Jan, til you’re cryin’ in my DMs bout your ex. Don’t pee on my leg and call it casual, sweetheart! Sex-dating’s 90% liars, 10% gold. Like that time I found out escorts use these apps—true story! Bumped into one, she was upfront, said, “Cash upfront, hon.” I was like, “Whoa, I ain’t payin’ for that!” Laughed my ass off, tho—props for honesty.

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First off, I head down to the riverbank. The Szamos River was lookin’ all sparkly and stuff. I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be chill.” But then, boom! I see this huge log jam. Like, seriously? Who even does that? I’m out here tryin’ to make a living, and the river’s like, “Not today, buddy!” I’m fuming, man. I start yelling at the logs like they can hear me. “Get outta my way!” Yeah, I know, I’m losing it.