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Last time I got one, whoa, total trip! Chick’s hands were magic, slippin’ over me like she’s paintin’ a canvas. Texture’s my jam, so I’m geekin’ out—smooth, then rough, then silky. Felt like I’m in that movie, “a closed-circuit system,” y’know? But—argh!—she charged extra for “happy endin’,” pissed me off! Greedy much? Still, walked out floatin’, happy as a clam.

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When the lights finally flicker back on, I’m relieved. But then, I see this lady at the end of the bar. She’s got this look on her face like she just lost her best friend. Turns out, she dropped her phone in her drink. I mean, c’mon! Who does that? I try to cheer her up, sayin’, “Hey, at least it’s not a wine spritzer!” She didn’t laugh. Tough crowd.

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