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I’m laid back, sippin’ gin, picturin’ it—some dime piece or fine dude workin’ them fingers like a pro. Sexual-massage been around forever, fam. Word is, back in ancient China, them emperors was gettin’ it poppin’ with silk sheets and oils smellin’ like heaven. Little known fact—Cleopatra? She was all ‘bout it too, bathin’ in milk then gettin’ rubbed down, real regal shit. Me? I’d be like, “Keep it comin’, baby,” lightin’ a blunt while they do they thang.

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But then, I see this kid. He’s tryin’ to sell some weird trinkets. I’m like, “Dude, what’s that?” He says it’s a “magic stone.” I’m like, “Magic? Really?” I mean, c’mon, I’ve seen some crazy stuff in the hills, but a magic stone? I’m not buyin’ it. But he’s persistent. I end up givin’ him a couple of forints just to get him to stop talkin’.

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