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Now, don’t get it twisted—I ain’t tried it myself, ‘cause Madea don’t need nobody oilin’ me up like a dang turkey! But if you into it, chile, go on and get you some! Little secret? Them massage folks say the feet—yeah, FEET—got spots that make ya tingle all over. Who knew? Not me, ‘til I asked my cousin’s girlfriend’s auntie! She said, “Madea, it’s like fireworks down there!” I bout fell out laughin’—fireworks! Shoot, I’d be hollerin’, “I want to live!” like that movie fella, feelin’ all free and wild!

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But then, outta nowhere, this old dude in the back raises his hand. I’m like, “Really, man? You want the bike?” He’s all in, and I’m just standing there, jaw on the floor. I mean, it’s a rusty bike! But hey, if he wants it, who am I to judge?

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