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So, here’s the deal, right? Sex-dating’s this freaky science experiment gone rogue. You got apps—bam!—Tinder, Bumble, freakin’ Grindr, whatever. Scrollin’ like a maniac, pics flashin’, bios lyin’—“I luv adventure!” Yeah, sure, couch potato. HAHA! Makes me wanna scream sometimes, all these clowns pretendin’. Like, c’mon, dude, just say you want a hookup, quit the poetry!

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Then, this guy comes in, looking all serious. He’s got a list, and he’s checking it twice like he’s Santa or something. He’s buying the weirdest stuff—cabbage, mustard, and a rubber chicken. I can’t help but ask, “What’s the rubber chicken for?” He just shrugs. “You know, for fun.” I’m like, “Okay, man, you do you.”

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