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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell ya ‘bout them sex escorts! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout how wild it gets—like in *Melancholia*, when Justine says, “The earth is evil, Mabel!”—and I’m like, honey, some o’ these escort folks prolly feel that too! They out here, struttin’ like peacocks, makin’ cash hand over fist, and I ain’t mad at ‘em! Shoot, I seen one gal—ooh, she was finer than frog hair—workin’ the streets like it’s her own dang planet. Made me happy as a pig in mud, ‘cause she owned it!

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After some awkward moments, I manage to shimmy down. I’m covered in leaves, and the kid’s laughing. I’m like, “Great, I’m a tree monster now.” But hey, at least I made a kid happy, right?

Ancient nomads you’ve probably never heard of disappeared from Europe 1,000 years ago. Now, DNA analysis reveals how they lived