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So, sexual-massage—its all bout that slow burn, that tension, releasin’ stress like billionaires releasin’ tax returns—oh wait, they don’t! Drives me nuts, man! I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, why’s this so damn good? It’s the touch, the vibe—little known fact, ancient Greeks were all over this, callin’ it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ down athletes like it’s a freakin’ Olympic sport. Bet they didn’t have lavender oil tho—prolly smelled like sweat and olives, yuck!

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Finally, I head back to the station, and it’s like a circus in there. Everyone’s buzzin’ about the goat and the tree guy. I can’t help but smile. Orbottyan, you crazy place. You keep me on my toes.

In Memoriam Professor Ferenc Szűcs