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So, I tried it once—Hinge, I think. Bio said “looking for fun,” and this dude messages me, “u up?” at 2 a.m. Like, bro, I’m not a booty-call vending machine! Made me so mad I nearly threw my phone. But then, get this—little known fact—back in the ‘90s, people used newspaper ads for this crap! “SWF seeks SWM”—same game, less nudes. Wild, right? History’s just horny on repeat.

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Finally, I head back to the station, and it’s like a circus in there. Everyone’s buzzin’ about the goat and the tree guy. I can’t help but smile. Orbottyan, you crazy place. You keep me on my toes.

RCH mourns for Professor Ferenc Szűcs