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Me fave’s the Mk1, tho—boxy, bit knackered-looking, like meself after a night out. Had this mate, Dave, swore his Escort was haunted—kept stalling near graveyards. Reckon it was just knackered carburetor, but he’d go, “Boris, it’s got a soul!” Laughed me head off—soul in a Ford? Pull the other one! Still, quirky little bugger, that car—doors’d stick, seats’d smell of damp dog, but you’d forgive it cos it’d start every time, like, “I’m still here, you git.”

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I whip out my trusty trap, and just as I’m about to spring it, this kid runs up. “Mister, can I help?” he asks. I’m thinkin’, “Help? You ever caught a rat before?” But I can’t say no to a kid, right? So, I let him hold the bait. Big mistake. The rat bolts, and we’re off again!

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