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The rubdown itself? Slippery chaos! This chick’s hands—pro, total pro—slidin’ everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “Is this allowed? Am I busted?” My neurotic brain’s screamin’, “You’re a perv, Larry!” But it’s legal, mostly—depends where ya go. Fun fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage joints, bubble baths included! I’m jealous, enraged—why ain’t that here? I’d be sudsed up, livin’ large! Instead, I’m stuck with lavender oil and a towel smaller than my dignity.

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring rain. I mean, seriously? I was drenched in seconds. I ducked into a little shop on Rákóczi utca to wait it out. The owner was super nice and offered me a towel. I was like, “Dude, you’re a lifesaver!” We ended up chatting about the town, and he told me about the best places to eat. I made a mental note to check out that little bistro he mentioned.

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