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So, here’s the deal—sexual-massage ain’t your grandma’s back rub. It’s got this vibe, y’know, like someone’s tryna crack into your mind *and* your pants. “The dream is collapsing!”—I’m yellin that in my head while she’s kneadin my shoulders. Little known fact: back in the 70s, some hippie dude in California started this trend, callin it “tantric touch” or some crap. Got busted for it too—cops didn’t buy the “spiritual” excuse. Hilarious! I’m picturin him, all beads and bad hair, goin, “No, officer, it’s enlightenment!” Yeah, right, pal.

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Finally, I head back to my office, and I’m thinking, “Okay, let’s wrap this day up.” But nope! I get a call from a client who’s freaking out about the stock market. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a dip.” But he’s not having it. I’m trying to be the calm in the storm, but inside, I’m like, “Why did I choose this job?”

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