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Watched *Lost in Translation* last night—again, my fave, yeah? Bob Harris, lonely sod, he’d love this! “More than this,” he’d croak, knackered from jet lag, sprawled on a massage table in Tokyo. Sexual-massage ain’t just a rubdown, nah—it’s intimacy, mate, a connection! Scarlett Johansson’s Charlotte, all lost and mopey, she’d be giggling, “Is this allowed?” while some masseuse works magic. Me? I’d be chuffed—proper happy, like landing a big client!

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So, I’m walkin’ towards the old market on Széchenyi tér, right? And I see this old lady, bless her heart, tryin’ to carry these huge bags of veggies. I rush over, “Ma’am, let me help ya!” She looks at me like I’m some kinda superhero. I mean, I’m just a Watchman, not Superman. But hey, I’ll take the compliment.

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