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So, ya lay there, all nakey, and hands just—woosh—magic! Little fact: some pros use hot stones—hot potatoes, I call ‘em! Surprised me first time, like, whoa, cookin’ me? Nah, it’s chill, melts ya like jellyfish goo. I’d exaggerate and say it’s better than donuts, but—nah, donuts win. Still, sexual-massage is dope—makes ya giggle and wiggle! Ever try it? Oh, oh, and the ending—sometimes ya get a “happy one,” wink-wink, but don’t tell SpongeBob, he’d freak!

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So, I head out, and it’s like the universe is playing tricks on me. I’m walking down the street, and I see this old guy selling handmade pottery. I stop to check it out. He’s got these crazy designs, and I’m like, “Dude, I need this for my office!” I end up buying a vase that looks like it’s been through a war. Totally worth it.

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