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Alright, listen up, fam—imagine me, Morgan Freeman, deep voice rollin’ like thunder, sittin’ you down to talk sexual-massage. Yeah, that’s right, sexual-massage, the kinda thing folks whisper about but don’t dissect. Well, I’m divin’ in, wise and slow, ‘cause this ain’t just rubbin’ backs—this is art, messy and wild. Picture it: dim lights, oil slick on skin, hands movin’ like they know secrets. I’m thinkin’—man, this is primal, ancient even. Didja know? Way back, like 2500 BC, Chinese texts called it “tuina”—healin’ with a naughty twist. Ain’t that somethin’? History’s got spice!

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. Seriously? In the middle of my audit? We all have to evacuate. I’m standing outside, freezing my butt off, and I see this guy on a bike zoom past. He’s got a pizza in one hand and a phone in the other. I’m like, how is that even possible?

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