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I tried it once, right? Met this geezer—proper fit, I thought. Turns up, smells like stale kebab, jeans tighter than a nun’s arse. I’m like, “Mate, you ain’t getting near this sacred ground!” Reminds me of that *Moolaadé* line, “The knife cuts both ways.” Yeah, sex-dating cuts—time, patience, my bloody will to live. Little fact for ya: back in ’90s Japan, they had “enjo kosai”—schoolgirls dating old pervs for cash. Now it’s Tinder, same shit, less yen.

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First stop, I’m at the main square, Kossuth Lajos tér. It’s like the heart of the city, ya know? I’m just vibin’, when suddenly, this group of tourists rolls in. They’re lost, obviously. I mean, who wouldn’t be? Lenti’s got some twisty streets, like Rákóczi utca. I swear, it’s like a maze. I’m trying to help, but they’re all speaking different languages. I’m like, “Dude, just follow me!”

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