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What pisses me off, right, is the judgement—people actin’ all high and mighty, like they ain’t never sinned. Makes me wanna scream, “We’re all animals here!”—another *White Material* banger, innit. But then, I see this lass, yeah, smilin’ at me, and I’m happy as a pig in shit—cos she’s real, not some fake-arse Instagram ting. Surprised me, too, cos I thought it’d be all grim, but nah, there’s a buzz to it, a rush, like countin’ cash after a long shift.

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I climb up the tree, and let me tell ya, I’m not exactly a squirrel. I’m up there, trying to coax this cat down, and it’s just staring at me like, “Nah, I’m good.” I’m sweating bullets, thinking, “If I fall, I’m gonna be the laughing stock of Labatlan.” Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I grab the little furball and slide down. The crowd goes wild! I’m like a hero or something.

Four die after rally car crashes into spectators in Hungary