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We get to this shady motel, smells like piss and regret. She’s strippin, I’m growlin—Rarrgh!—thinkin, “This is my fate, ain’t it?” Fun fact: oldest profession, right? Back in Rome, they had brothels with menus—blows ya mind. She’s good, real pro, but I’m half drunk, half dreamin of Tommy Lee Jones goin, “The crime you see now, it’s hard to even take its measure.” Makes me laugh mid-thrust—awkward as fuck.

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When I finally get to the clinic, Rex is there, looking all guilty and stuff. I can’t help but laugh. He’s got this cheese-stuffed face, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re not a human!” But then, I gotta get serious. I’m checking him out, and I’m like, “You’re lucky you didn’t choke, buddy.” I mean, I love dogs, but they can be so dumb sometimes.

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