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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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Then, I get to the market, and it’s packed. I mean, shoulder-to-shoulder packed. I’m dodging people left and right, trying to keep my cool. But then, I spot this cute little stall selling langos. OMG, I love langos! So, I grab one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, I spill some on my kimono. Great. Just great.

Obituary for Zoltan Kegyes